Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.

At 2:30am, as I was finishing up at the computer and was about to retire to bed, I noticed a small tingling sensation around my toes. When I looked down, the entire floor around my workstation was writhing with ants. After a moment to ponder potential non-violent solutions, I realized that decisive action was necessary. Wielding a bottle of lethal Simple Green in one hand and a wailing Dustbuster in the other, I mercilessly inflicted thousands upon thousands of casualties upon the invading ant armies, stopping only to quote the Bhagavad-gita (and, famously, Robert Oppenheimer) while simultaneously channeling the combined destructive power of Tom DeLay, Dale Gribble, and Curt LeMay. It was like a zombie movie, but on a very, very small scale.

Let battle commence!

Dear Best Buy "Customer Care",

This week I purchased two DVD box sets via your website, and checked the supposedly time saving "pick up in-store" option. Upon receiving a confirmation e-mail tonight, I drove to my nearest Best Buy to pick up my purchases. I naively assumed that there might be a dedicated desk where I would be able to pick up my small purchase in a timely fashion, as is implied on the website, but upon entering the store I was directed to stand in a dozens-deep line of dissatisfied customers in the "Returns/Exchanges" line. I've long considered your retail establishments to be the Auschwitz of Retail, and every time I've set foot in one of your stores this impression has proved to be well founded. Tonight I waited 35 goddamn minutes to pick up my DVDs, due to the endless, unnecessary lines and dimwitted employees found in every one of your retail locations. I have never had a positive experience at any Best Buy, on any level, except for the time I threw an optical mouse at a stack of software in frustration after thirty minutes of trying to get someones attention, and I can assure you I won't patronize your establishments ever again, except for the inevitable liquidation auction in five years.

yours truly,

Scott